Quotes from 5th Graders

These are from a young man who always makes me smile:

• I'm trying to find a loophole in this project.
• You really like to inflict pain on children, don't you?
• It was highly amusing to watch you both try that. (In response to 2 teachers bowling.)
• You mean it's not an invitation, it's an obligation. (I'll be using this one in the future.)

During an explanation from the science graduate student who works with our class:
Student: "You use lots of big words."
Science grad student: "What do you want me to explain more?"
Student: "I don't know, you lost me at hello."

Up for a vacation?

Quotes from tourist advertisements for volcanoes:

Attractions:

• lava lamps
• free marshmallows
• hot dog roasting
• stadium for lava monster wrestling
• 5 eruptions every 24 hours
  
• we also have a church for funerals

Warnings:

• no souvenirs cause that's just wasting money before you die
• please say goodbye to loved ones before coming
• will be the last sight you'll ever see
• might want to write your will before coming

Lights! Lava! Explosions! Rocks and minerals forming everywhere! But, don't make it angry or else! You have to run for your lives!!!

Teacher Hallway Conversation

First Year Teacher: I'm not sure how to help them see this concept beyond the textbook.

Experienced Teacher: How about in this artwork they have on display in the hallway? The perspective is there and it's their own work.

FYT: Of course. Perfect. Thanks for the random math consultation.

(I love teaching in a school that can have 'random math consultations' happening in the hallway.)

From the Point of View of a 5th Grader

We spent a lot of today analyzing various artwork, considering the lines, colors, and shapes, thinking about the emotions conveyed in a painting or sculpture. The discussion was wonderful. Until the end...

Looking at this painting, Niagara Falls from the American Side, William James Bennett after John Robert Murray, published 1840, a fifth grader said, "It looks like a picture we could have taken in the 1970s or 1980s."

I had no response.

Snow Biz!

Highlights of the holiday concert:

• Professor Snows-a-lot complete with cotton ball wig
• Really, really bad jokes about snow (What do penguins wear on their heads? Ice caps)
• Followed by ironic laughter from chorus students
• Littlest postal worker falling over sideways in multiple coats - quite impressive
• Two chorus students dancing in the back while all the rest stood still
• Small children looking outside when the performers talked about the weather forecast
• Fourth grader telling the music teacher to "Hit it"

On the whole, a wonderful hour of entertainment.

How We Entertain Ourselves

One of many email conversations between Tree and Jenny:

Tree: Your nonintern is looking for you.

Jenny: I assume you mean J?
I'm in the reading room working with A.

T: Thanks, when he wonders back this way I will direct him.
I am having him come into my class and talk to my students as a scientist next Thursday. He is going to answer their parking lot question of "How do worms make babies?" He did not want to touch the widow spider questions.

J: I think you should prep them to ask the widow spider questions no matter what.
By the way, that's a great use of his time! Way to go!

T: Do you think it is because he is actually a black widow spider and he lives in fear of the day his mate eats him?

J: That would explain a lot. Does he have to get married for his mate to eat him or just in a monogamous relationship? Is that the sort of question your students have?

T: I am not sure if any of my students would think of that question, but it is a good one. Do black widow spiders get married?

J: Another good question.
What sort of questions do your kids have about black widow spiders?

T: Does the husband know the wife will eat him? Is the wife bigger then the husband?

J: Good for them. Why doesn't J want to get involved with these questions?
Is the husband knows the wife will eat him I would expect even more severe commitment issues than our species has.

T: I cannot understand your third question.
And it is because Jon is a black widow spider. He also does not like Rent.

J: The final sentence should have started with "if" rather than "is". Does that help?
Even the Seasons of Love song? Because that is just wrong.

T: Makes much more sense now. True. But maybe, the male black widow spiders look forward to such fate.
Especially the seasons of love song. He called that song that keeps repeating those numbers. He made an argument about how it was post-modern and the writer/ actors/ singers were too self aware of being post modern. I am not a fan of the term post modern because it takes the fun out of everything. Thanks Professor Singerman!! Can't I just like it because it is pretty??? But I digress, my argument was, BUT THEY BREAK OUT IN SONG!!!! BUT THEY BREAK OUT IN DANCE!!! And that doesn’t really help in a post modern debate.

J: I've never seen so many connections between male black widow spiders and men as I have today.
I like your argument. I don't care if it doesn't help much in a post modern debate. I think he's overanalyzing Rent and should just sit back and enjoy.

T: They are singing on tables!! They are singing to an answering machine!!!
But then again, this is the girl who LOVED West Side Story because THEY DANCE ON THE STREET!!! IT IS COORDINATED!!!

J: I'm less a fan of West Side Story, but I'll give you the coordinated street dancing joy.

Somehow, we do manage to teach our students.

I Hear Him

Attempting to get certain 5th grade boys to focus on what their teacher deems important rather than what they deem important can be a real challenge. (I don't mean to sound sexist, it's true for certain girls as well.)

My students had to write about themselves in 100 words or less recently. All but one have managed to draft, do some great revising, edit and get my help with editing, and publish (both on paper and on their blogs). This last young man can't get it done.

On Friday I finally told him that I really wanted him to finish this.

His response?

Me too. I really want to be done with this. Don't let this face fool you.

I don't think it was the face that was sending me the message.